Sinking, Feeling
by LaraRae
Summary: Picks up where the Finale left off of course. Chapter three up.
1. Chapter 1

**Sinking, Feeling**

**Chapter One**

"Trey, stop it; You're killing him!"

Ryan could distantly hear the sound of Marissa's voice, as though it were travelling down a long hall and in to an empty room.

It was frantic, though for a moment he couldn't imagine why.

The pressure on his neck increased to remind him, Trey's thumb dug in angrily.

It all felt like a dream. As though he weren't being strangled by his only blood brother, but as if he were watching him do it to someone else; powerless to stop it.

Indigo spots began to dance across his vision, blackness seeping in from the sides.

The way his head was pressed against the berber carpet all Ryan could focus on was Trey anyways.

His brother. His family.

But Trey wasn't looking at him. Trey wouldn't meet his eyes.

The pressure relented for a moment and Ryan could hear a gutteral growl escape from his brother's lips. Like an animal in danger. For a brief moment Ryan's senses returned to him, the scene around him coming in to focus like some sort of misconstrewed reality.

His throat was burning and his eyes were watering.

Blood dripped down the back of his throat, likely meaning his nose was broken.

His face was throbbing, and his fists.

The pressure on his chest; the weight of Trey, was unrelenting.

He could smell the sweat coming from the both of them, mixed with the aroma of copper.

Then the emotion.

Trey tried to rape Marissa. Trey held a gun in his face and lied to him. Again and again.

It only proved how screwed up his family really was.

Trey had been given a second chance, just like Ryan had been given a year and a half ago.

Trey had fucked it up, couldn't hold on to a good thing. Drugs, guns, stealing, parties and girls.

And suddenly there was a deep feeling of guilt about Kirsten. Sending her away after all she had done for him. Noticing her drinking habits but not distinguishing a problem. On purpose. He had hoped that it would go away, that another person he cared about wouldn't fall in to that vicious cycle.

Seth's face flashed across his mind. His tentative face before he'd relayed Ryan the story between Marissa and Trey. The worry.

The pressure on his neck inscreaed again; Trey continued to strangle him no longer distracted by whatever.

Conscience maybe?

Ryan glanced up to try and catch Trey's eye again, but he was still avoiding Ryan's gaze. Instead he held an old telephone over his head.

What was he doing with a phone? Ryan wondered dumbly.

No sooner had he asked that Ryan's midn delivered an answer.

Trey finally met his eyes then. A moment passed between them, both boy gasping for air.

Angry, threatened. Two animals fighting for survival.

I hate you, Ryan couldn't stop the words from crossing his mind.

Trey waited no longer and began to arc the phone down towards Ryan's head. He knew this was it. If the phone hit him with that strength he would surely die.

The moment passed slowly. Ryan closed his eyes in anticipation; attempting to prepare himself to die.

A crack echoed across the room, drumming through his ears.

Trey released his neck, the phone never connected with his skull.

He was confused until his slowed mind identified the sound. A gun.

Had Trey decided to shoot him instead? Was he dead?

Ryan cracked open an eye to see his brother still straddled across his chest. The phone had dropped beside Ryan's head. Trey was pulling at his white T-shirt where blood was rapidly blooming from his chest.

Trey fell to the side, tearing his eyes from something, or someone, across the room.

He inhaled deeply, looking up to see Marissa. He hadn't been imagining her voice after all. She was there. And she was holding a gun, staring at Trey. Her face was full of emotion.

Beside him he could hear Trey gasping painful breaths.

Marissa had shot his brother.

He rolled on to his side, painfully, weezing.

He had to get to Marissa. Had to see if she was okay. Across the room Marissa dropped the gun to the carpet and sank down to the floor herself.

Ryan stumbled to his feet and went to slump beside her, propping himself again the wall.

Each of them were silent, staring at Trey, until footsteps entered their reverie.

Had the police come already?

Ryan glanced up to see Seth and Summer enter the room, both of them breathless, frantic.

"Oh my god" Summer whispered. Then she covered her mouth as though she were sorry for breaking the silence.

"Ryan?" Seth asked, quit himself. Shocked.

Ryan forced himself to meet his foster brother's eyes, but immediately looked away. They were full of fear, questions and silent assumptions.

Ryan knew that he hadn't shot Trey.

marissa knew she had.

They were the only witnesses.

Marissa could end up in jail.

Visions of himself in juvie rolled like a movie through his head. Marissa wouldn't make it in there.

Living in constant fear? It would kill her, they would kill her.

Ryan ground his toes in to the ends of his shoes, he clenched his teeth.

He reached over to take Marissa's unresponsive hand. it was cold.

"Seth" Ryan heard himself rasp, his voice was broken. It was like a dream. And though Ryan wasn't looking at Seth, he knew Seth was paying close attention to him.

"Call the police" he ordered, "And ambulance... now"

A dull ache was forming at the back of Ryan's head, he explored gently at first. A large knot was already forming. He pressed on it firmly.

The pain was so sharp he immediately got dizzy. his vision blurred an his stomach jumped. Ryan withdrew his hand and put it back in his lap, glancing up at Seth.

His hands were shakily dialing the numbers on his phone. Summer was clutching his free arm. Seth put the phone to his ear, the room so silent they could all hear the operator pick up on the other end.

"Yea... I... we.." Seth choked on his own words, his gaze was caught on Trey.

Ryan suddenly remembered they hadn't even bothered checking to see if Trey was alive. Though there was nothing Ryan could have really done for him... if Ryan knew he was dying maybe he would say good bye. But he didn't want to check, didn't dare.

It would offer the concequences of the night full force, squeezing out any hope.

At the entrance to the apartment Summer reached up to pluck the cellphone from Seth's grasp.

"We need an ambulance. And Police. Someone was shot" Summer directed in to the phone.

Silence for a moment.

"We're at the apartment complex just off of eighth and middle beach... unit twenty-two" Summer folded the phone closed, "They're on their way" she told them all, even though that was perfectly clear.

"I should call dad" Seth blurted out, glancing at Ryan.

Marissa chose that moment to tear her hand from Ryan's and begin sobbing, not withholding anything. Ryan glanced at Seth, who gently guided Summer from the apartment.

Ryan unemotionally put his arm around Marissa's shoulders which heaved with every cry. She leaned in to his chest; a wounded animal aware of her choices and possible concequences.

He winced as he forehead pressed strongly to his ribs, but he didn't move.

"I'm... I shot him... He was... am I going to go to..?" he sentence was fragmented and had no end, but Ryan understood perfectly. He glanced at Trey once more from the corner of his eye. Between himself and Marissa, and Trey, sat the gun.

Light glinted off the ominous steel.

"Let's get out of here" Ryan told her. Marissa's crying was subsiding now, her sobs more gentle and quiet. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

She stumbled to her feet and began to make it out of the apartment on her own while Ryan fell behind. Leaning against the wall for support of his aching body. Marissa stumbled out the door of the unit and it reminded Ryan of her drinking. When they had first met.

He remembered last Chrismukkah when they had been pulled over. He'd been so angry.

Like tonight, only tonite was more or less a blurr. At the time he had left the poolhouse Ryan knew things could only turn out a few certain ways, and he'd accepted it. He just wanted it over, he wanted Trey out of his life, forever.

Now, staring down at his battered and bloody body Ryan wasn't sure if he was truly prepared to deal with the night ending this way.

His focus was drawn to the gun again. He leaned over slowly and picked it up from the carpet warily.

He rested his forefinger against the side of the barrel, his palm pressing against the cold steel of the handle. He stared down at it, lost in thought for a moment.

"Ryan?" Seth's voice interrupted him from th doorway.

"Dad's on the -... what are you doing?" he demanded, worried.

Ryan slowly dropped the gun to the carpet, "Nothing" he answered slowly, meeting Seth's confused eyes.

Slowly he wobbled past Seth and out the door in to the cool night air.

This was going to be a long night.

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Sandy nearly missed the stoplight marking a busy intersection.

His heart pounded in his chest, a rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Stop, he told himself. Breath.

Sure, it wasn't a particularly busy intersection, but at this point neither Kirsten nor the boys could deal with a phonecall that would follow such an incident.

He wasn't even sure if Kirsten would be informed in rehab.

He hoped they would never have to get that phonecall.

Sandy Cohen wanted to pass comfortably, preferably before he was too far gone to take care of himself.

But then, didn't everyone?

Now Sandy was so focussed on the glaring red stop light he didn't notice the cop car bearing down from behind him, lights flashing. Responding to a call. It was the chirp of the siren that finally alerted him to the officer's presence, and by that time it was too late for him to do much of anything.

Were they pulling him over? Thinking he was DUI or something?

But the speeding car arced around Sandy and out in to the quiet intersection.

He rubbed his tired eyes, impatient to get home to his boys and drop off for the night.

When he had called earlier, Seth had sounded funny. Jumpy, unsettled. But Sandy felt the same way.

They had, after all, shipped Kirsten off to an institute earlier today for an unknown amount of time.

Would it be days? Weeks? Months?

Nausea kicked up in his stomach. He wasn't sure he could be without her for much longer than a month or two. Maybe that was selfish, but Sandy loved her now more than ever. If the past year and a half had shown him anything, it had shown that together they were strong, unstoppable. Apart they were both a wreck, unsure of anything.

The past year had introduced all kind of stresses. There was no other reason for her breakdown he told himself.

His conscience, hoever, had other plans.

He shouldn't have let Ryan go back to Chino. He should have dragged Seth home by the collar. Then there was Caleb and that whole scandal. And Lindsay. Rebecca... Carter... Julie... The list went on. And of course, her father.

Maybe now she could rest, find peace there. Find herself again. Maybe Sandy could find himself again. It had been so long since either of them had truly been in touch with themselves it was surprising.

A horn honked behind him, lights flashed.

The light was green.

Sandy stepped on the gas, accelerating slowly in the dark towards home.

His cell phone chose that moment to ring.

Probably Seth, Sandy thought, wondering where he was.

He fumbled for his cell phone on the seat beside him and finally came up clutching the thing. Seth's number was lit brightly on the outside. Caller ID was wonderful.

"Seth" he answered, "I'm on my way, I'll be home in ten minutes". He was more weary now than ever.

"Uhm...dad?" Seth's voice asked on the other end.

"Yes, Seth, I'll be home shortly, can we talk then ?"

"Dad... I'm not at home... we're not at home... we're... at Trey's. he's... Ryan came here and... Dad, we need you here. Right now"

"What happened Seth?" Sandy demanded, his attention and worry piquing.

"We just... we really need you"

"Is everyone okay?"

Silence.

"Are you and Ryan okay?" he repeated.

"We're... fine... Ryan's a little... dad, the police are on the way and I think.. You have to be here when they get here..."

"You said you were at Trey's? That's off Eighth right? Right Seth?"

"Yea, dad. Off Eighth and Middle Beach.."

"I'll be there in five minutes Seth. Don't say anything to the cops, don't do anything, go nowhere. Just sit tight, all of you, until I get there" Sandy hung up his phone and tossed it back on the passenger seat.

His foot pressed harder on the gas, and this time Sandy purposely went through yellow and red lights.

He was on Middle Beach right now, leading in to the heart of Newport.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sinking, Feeling**

**Chapter Two**

Seth watched Ryan amble past him and out the door to the apartment, his eyes not leaving the floor.

All Seth wanted, all he needed, was for Ryan to say he was okay, that everything was going to be okay. Because that was what Ryan did. Ryan could make everything, or at least pretend everything, was going to be okay.

But Ryan wasn't even trying right now, which was what scared Seth the most.

Well, that, and the fact that he wasn't sure what Ryan would've done if Seth hadn't walked in to the room when he did.

Over the past year and a half Seth and Ryan had become fairly close. Though they had been drifting their seperate ways since the end of Summer, their bonds had remained intact. Seth thought of Ryan as a brother, and at most times he was sure that Ryan thought of him the same way.

Seth was even confident that he had slowly begun learning Ryan-speak. The controlled movements and words were only one language which Ryan confided in. The real feeling was in his eyes, in his face. The way his jaw clenched when he was angry, the way he scratched the bridge of his nose when he was beginning to get truly irritated.

This Ryan was... a robot. Just moving through life not living it, and Seth longed for a peak at what was inside the Atwood mind. Itched for it really. Though he wanted to tell himself Ryan hadn't been thinking of doing anything stupid, Seth just wasn't quite sure.

Would Ryan kill himself over a brother that he hated?

He'd like to say no, but he also knew that loyalty to Ryan was as alcohal was to Newport.

"Seth?" Summer whispered behind him. Despite the warm night Seth felt shivers run along his neck.

"Yea?" he turned.

"Why are you... You're just standing here..."

"Yeah.. no.. I just.. Ryan was... nevermind..." Seth shook his thoughts away.

Summer bit her lip in a way that Seth would've thought was sexy as hell had they not been standing close to a dead body. Especially since they both knew the deceased.

Nothing was more of a turnoff than death.

Summer grasped his hand firmly; the strong one for both of them at this point, and gently pulled him away from the door and out in to the night.

The parking lot was shrouded in darkness, minus the orange light coming from the streetlamps and the occaisional car. It was quiet, you couldn't really hear the ocean from here either, though you could smell it.

Marissa's car was where she'd left it, pulled up directly in front of Trey's complex, The Rover sat behind it. One could tell just from the rush parking job that they'd been in a hurry.

He figured he wouldn't tell Marissa they'd almost slammed into her car pulling in here. She had a few other things on her mind right now.

Seth glanced up to find where the other two had gotten to. Marissa was sitting on the neighbour's steps, legs drawn against her chest, her head resting on her knees. She wasn't sobbing anymore, at least, not that Seth could hear.

Ryan was another story, for a moment Seth couldn't even locate him. A panicked feeling had begun to in the pit of his stomach when Seth finally did spot him, just barely, hiding in the darkest shadows of the lot on the other side of the Rover. A plume of smoke floated up from the general direction and Seth could smell the scent of tobacco drifting over.

Just as now wasn't the time to mention his almost-accident to Marissa, he figured it wasn't the time to nag Ryan about smoking either.

They were all in enough trouble.

And even knowing that statement of fact, Seth couldn't figure out, exactly, who was going to be in trouble.

The sinking feeling he had when he saw Ryan holding the gun told him one thing. The extent Marissa was disturbed told him another.

But then, Marissa Cooper was known for dramatizations. Ryan however, was not.

If Ryan was upset then something was wrong. He trusted his brother's instincts; they'd been honed on the street. He still remembered the whole Oliver debacle.

The thoughts and facts swirled in to one, and soon it was Seth that had to sit down. He did, on the front step to Trey's place. He buried his head in his hands, unsure of what to say, what to do, what to think.

Who shot Trey? Why did they shoot Trey? Accident or was it on purpose? What was going to happen to the person who did shoot Trey? Ryan couldn't go back to juvie, to jail. No way in hell, Seth wouldn't let it happen, his mind refused to process the scenario.

Marissa Cooper in jail? If there was someone destined for in-jail suicide it was her. Her parents would disown her... well, maybe not Jimmy but Julie for sure.

And if it was Ryan? Would Seth's parents disown him? Stand up for him?

What would that mean to himself? Could he still be friends, still be a brother to someone who'd killed someone? The hair stood up on Seth's neck as he realised that if it had been Ryan, Ryan had killed his brother.

His family. His blood.

Technically Ryan had purposefully gone looking for a fight tonight. He would be seen as the instigator. Nothing they could explain to the judge; Trey's attempted rape of Marissa, the longstanding lies and thievery, the drugs..., none of it would excuse either of them from killing Trey. Vigilantes were generally prosecuted to the extent of the law, even if only to show the public it would not be tolerated.

He didn't want Ryan to be made an example for society.

Then there was something else.

"Where did the gun come from?" Seth asked aloud, more to himself that anyone else.

"What?" Summer picked up quickly.

Seth looked up, "The gun, where did it come from? I... Ryan would never have anything like that... and Marissa..."

"Maybe it was Trey's" Summer arched an eyebrow, "Didn't you say that Ryan went to talk to Trey about something... after the shooting at The Bait Shop? He was pissed... maybe... Trey had something to do with that?"

Seth thought about it for awhile, Summer he knew, was definitely not as dumb as she could appear.

It seemed to make sense... but then it was Trey who'd been shot, not Ryan or Marissa. So Trey had to have lost the gun.

Seth rubbed his temples, all this was beginning to do was give him more questions than answers, and a headache.

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Summer felt cold. not that it was particularly cold outside, it was a summer night in California. But the chills wouldn't go away, they were inside of her, a part of her. She longed for a comforting arm around her shoulders, but Seth was out of it. Trying to figure out whether his best friend was a killer.

She glanced over at Ryan, remembering when he'd first come to Newport from Chino. She thought about the fights he'd been in with Luke, with Nordstrom... The ones he'd instigated and the ones he'd been baited in to. She thought about how he always treated Seth; like a brother. How he acted towards the Cohens; though he owed them his life. And how he acted towards Marissa; always there to save her.

Even at times Summer had given up on Coop Ryan had been there. When she hadn't noticed something was wrong; Ryan had. When Summer couldn't protect her best friends from something, Ryan tried his damndest.

At the beginning of the four friends' relationships with eachother Summer hadn't even been particularly respectful towards Chino. Ryan had. He acted more maturely than some thirty year olds. Could he really kill someone?

She wanted to say no, she really did. But the fact was that she had only known Ryan for close to two years. She had known Coop since grade school. They'd been best friends from the time they'd met; aside from drifting occaisionally.

The point was they'd always come back together.

They knew eachother like the back of their hands, could read eachother like a book.

And she knew, she just knew, that Marissa couldn't kill someone. She didn't think the girl had it in her.

If Marissa had killed Trey, it meant Summer hadn't known her at all.

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Marissa couldn't cry anymore. The hot tears that had burned her cheeks a short time ago were now dried on her cheeks. She was sure she looked like a mess, but she didn't care.

She assumed it wouldn't even matter where she was going.

Jail.

Ironically the strange and serious thought had been the thing to bring her out of her near-hysteric state.

She, Marissa Cooper, had killed someone. She had killed Trey Atwood, her boyfriend's brother. His remaining family.

Her eyes scanned the dimly lit parking lot in search of Ryan. He stood with his back pressed to the Cohen's Range Rover, staring off in to the night. If her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, he was also smoking.

He hadn't had a ciggarette in a long time.

Not that she could technically vouch for the time they'd been apart, but she hadn't smelled it on him. Hadn't tasted it on his lips either.

As soon as Marissa had kissed a smoker; Ryan, she had stopped smoking herself, even at parties.

Shr briefly wondered where the hell the police were, what was taking them so long, when she realised not that much time had passed at all. Not according to her cell phone anyways.

For the last couple minutes she'd stared at it. Willing herself to call her parents, let them know what was happening, that she probably wouldn't be home tonight.

But she had yet to make that call.

"What the hell is going on here?" an angry voice interrupted the quiet night.

The four teens straightened and looked up to the newcomer.

The landlord.

"I been gettin' calls from these tenants sayin' that there was some fight over here... an a loud bang... so please, explain why it is they woke me up for" he eyed Marissa, recognising her.

"You go first" he nodded at her.

Marissa's voice wouldn't work.

Everything she wanted to say couldn't escape her throat.

"This something to do with that punk kid that moved in? You guys promised no trouble but all I see is girl's going in... rent bein' paid late... now this, I oughta kick him out on the street-"

"That's unnecessary" a quiet but firm voice spoke up.

Ryan, still half hidden in shadows.

The man jumped and turned, caught off guard. He glared at Ryan and stormed towards Trey'd unit.

Seth stood up and blocked the steps, "You really shouldn't-"

"Get outtah my way kid" the man bellowed.

Seth didn't move, Summer looked on with worry.

Ryan approached the man from behind slowly, protectivly.

"I said, get the hell out of my way" the man yelled again, but this time he made a mistake.

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Ryan could deal with yelling. He could deal with ignorance.

Hell, Ryan could deal with a lot of different things, but what he couldn't stand was watching someone he loved get hurt.

He hadn't been able to deal with his mom getting beaten by her drunken boyfriends. That was why he'd always stepped in; refocusing the anger towards himself.

He couldn't stand to see Marissa hurt, which was why he was always there for her, always.

And he'd be damned if he would watch someone hurt his friend. His brother.

So when the man began to yell at Seth, Ryan had moved closer out of habit. Some people shrunk away from anger, he occaisionally thrived on it.

And when the man pushed Seth to the side and sent his toppling over the railing, Ryan was there in an instant.

Faster than it took for Seth to cry out, for Summer to start a rage of her own, Ryan had already followed him up the three short steps leading to the unit door.

" Jesus -" The man caught sight of Trey just as Ryan pulled his shoulder and turned him around.

A shove sent the man in to the open door, and riled his anger.

He raised his fist to take a swing at Ryan, but Ryan was smaller. Faster.

He'd already placed a well aimed punch to the man's face, feeling the crunch of a nose under his knuckles.

Then he paused, staring at his own fist.

It gave the man just enough time to lurch at him blindly, angrily.

Both went toppling down the steps, Ryan getting the worst of it simply because it was his back sliding down the cement.

The rolled over eachother, ignoring their respective pain.

Ryan punched from frusteration.

The man punched in anger.

The police finally pulled them both apart, struggling to restrain the two men.

The officer holding Ryan shoved him to the ground and placed a knee on his back. Quickly, espertly, he slapped cuffs on Ryan's wrist as a precaution. Ryan knew that once the cop had seen his record there was a large chance the cuffs would remain latched to his wrists.

He managed to turn his head towards the man he'd been fighting with. He, too, was in the same position as Ryan.

With his cheek pressed against the rough ashphalt Ryan closed his eyes, taking in his injuries and filing them away somewhere in his mind. He shifted the expression on his face to one of stone, he would reveal nothing. It was the best way to protect yourself. Show no pain, no emotion and you would show no weakness.

"Arrest these damned kids, they've killed my tenant! I want out of these goddamn handcuffs! You'll hear from my lawyer! I'll sue the department!"

From somewhere beside him he could hear a cop swear under his breath.

"Lewis, come see this"

There was a shuffle of feet, then more sweating.

Ryan knew they'd found Trey.

The inevitable had finally happened.

Marissa stood in his line of vision as well, her eyes shifting from Ryan on the ground to the door of the apartment. Her demanor seemed fragile, like that of an injured child, or a frightened animal. She looked ready to run.

She couldn't go to jail, she wouldn't last.

"All of you stay where you are, I don't want anyone going anywhere" an officer commanded.

A different one was radioing for an ambulance.

Ryan looked up from the ground at Seth, who was squeezing the bridge of his nose; tending to a nosebleed.

Leave it to Seth to fall backwards over a railing and land on his face.

Summer was nervous, shifty.

The man cuffed beside Ryan was still shouting angrily about rights and lawyers.

A squeal of tires cut off the man's rant.

"Seth! Ryan!"

Ryan couldn't see Sandy, but he could hear him.

He closed his eyes.

"Seth, what's going on? Are you okay? Ryan?" Panic was seeping in to his voice.

"Sir, I need to ask you to keep back-"

"I'm their father! And their lawyer! Any questions go through me! Now what happened here? Marissa? Summer?"

But no one could answer that truthfully except Ryan and Marissa.

Ryan glanced at her once more. The words seemed stuck in her throat. Fear was present in her eyes. She clearly knew the ramifications of her actions.

Somewhere in the distance Ryan could hear an ambulance. And another police car.

"It was... an accident" Ryan spoke from the ground, breaking the tense silence.

"Ryan.." Sandy countered, forgetting to advise him as a client instead of a father.

"Sit, we have found the body of a young man in this apartment. He has a gunshot wound to his chest and-"

"Who is he?"

"We can't say until we can begin an investigation-"

"Trey. Trey Atwood" Ryan spoke, a defeated tone entering his voice.

"Ryan..."

"No... wait, Mr. Cohen -" Marissa began

"I did it" Ryan interrupted. "I killed him because he tried to rape Marissa while we were in Miami. Mr. Cohen, I'm sorry... Seth..." Ryan blinked back a tear.

He expected for that to be it. To be arrested with no argument.

He'd given them a confession, what more could they want?

"No. He didn't do it! He wouldn't, Ryan wouldn't..! Trey was strangling him, they were fighting and -"

"And I grabbed the gun he dropped and shot him" Ryan continued.

"No, I shot him. Seth called me and.. .I got here... Trey was, he was going to kill Ryan, he was strangling him" Marissa was sobbing again.

Ryan ignored her, " It was me. My fingerprints will be on the gun." he stated firmly, knowing that they would, in fact be on the gun.

He'd made sure of it.

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TO BE CONTINUED... Please R&R guys.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I never have and I never will...

A/N's: Wow, those were mixed reviews, interesting because I knew it would happen; all I can say is that this has been floating around in my head and once my mind is set, there's no changing it. I hope you all bare with me anyways 'cause I kind of like a disgruntled audience; it's different.

Also, I'd like to say special thanks to **beachtree** who has, insofar, left some insightful reviews, thanks. Also to **parasindy and silverdog**; thanks for being there from the start ( Facing the Past') you guys you really keep me going.

**Sinking, Feeling**

**Chapter Three**

There was an abrupt silence after Ryan had bluntly made his confession, giving Ryan reason for doubt in his action.

A nervous feeling bubbled in his stomach. He would go to jail if convicted. Hell, even if he wasn't convicted for murdering Trey because they found the truth he would be nailed for lying to the cops, which was a felony in itself.

It was a lose-lose situation for him, and he knew it. He'd known it before he'd even said anything.

He wasn't sure what had made him do it. Not one thing in particular. Many things.

Marissa, and the fact that he could survive in there whereas she would not.

The fact that Trey was his brother, his responsibility.

He'd come here tonight to settle this with Trey anyways. A fight to the death had been a very plausible scenario that played in his mind on the way over.

He knew Trey wouldn't go easy on him just as Ryan knew he wouldn't go easy on Trey.

He'd tried his damndest and failed, but Marissa had succeeded.

She needn't be dragged in to the mess he'd created, by Trey coming to Newport. By losing his head with Trey to begin with.

Marissa had already been through enough with Trey, for Trey. He couldn't imagine what the past couple weeks had done to her, keeping a secret like that. He couldn't imagine what she'd felt like when he'd assumed the two of them were together.

Of all people it had to be Theresa to put him back in his place.

_Trey's been lying to you all your life, why would you believe him now?_

Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat and, no matter how much he wanted to, kept his eyes away from Sandy's or Seth's.

"Ryan?"

He grunted a semi coherant reply, still keeping his eyes closed.

Sandy kneeled beside him.

"Ryan, if you did this -"

"I did" he choked out.

Each word was getting harder to let go of.

"Ryan. I don't believe you" Sandy said firmly.

His eyes snapped open and met Sandy's. The one thing he'd fought so hard not to do because he knew, just like Seth, just like Sandy, that what he was usually feeling was in his eyes.

Sandy smiled wearily, "I knew it"

Ryan had, in that one simple gesture, proven Sandy's hypothesis correct.

He snorted back a fit of laughter, finding it ironic that he, Ryan Atwood, couldn't even confess to murder properly.

Who'd have thought?

"Ryan, what was your part in this?" Sandy pushed.

When Ryan didn't answer, Sandy pushed himself up from the pavement, his eyes scanning the parking lot.

Seth, the poor kid, was standing with Summer looking so lost and confused, as if he'd lost a brother. As if everything he'd believed in had toppled right in front of him.

Beside him Summer was lost in thought, biting her lip. She seemed unconvinced.

For a moment, Sandy thought he'd missed her. Another sweep of the parking lot, and he knew he hadn't.

Marissa was gone.

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"I can't believe we didn't even see her sneak off" Summer wanted to kick herself.

How could they not see it coming? How could they all not see it coming?

"Yea.. well.. I was distracted by my best friend admitting to murder" Seth stated sarcastically.

Summer rolled her eyes, "You heard your dad as well as I did Seth. Ryan didn't do it."

"Let me ask you something." Seth paused, turning and giving her his full attention, "Twenty minutes ago when I thought Ryan was a murdered I was upset as hell. It put everything I thought, everything I'd learned and believed and trusted in to chaos. Why aren't you upset about Marissa?"

Summer shrugged passivly, "Cause she had a reason. If I'd been in her shoes instead, I woulda done it"

Seth eyed her.

"What?" Summer asked, raising a finely plucked brow, "You wouldn't?"

Seth had to think about it for a moment. "I... I don't know. I mean... maybe there was another way..."

"Yea, maybe if we had a few minutes to think about it.. but in the time you're wasting Ryan's losing his brain cells because his goddamned brother won't let oxygen flow to it" she snapped.

Seth took a step back, ashamed for a moment.

Tonight had shaken him. These past couple weeks had shaken him. Hell, since Trey'd shown up he'd pretty much been a disaster in some area or another. Not that he was blaming Trey, persay, but it just hadn't helped matters.

Just when things start settling down, shit hits the fan.

"Why don't you two go home?" Seth's dad approached the two of them.

They were all still standing around in front of Trey's old unit. The ambulance had come and gone, as had a a couple more cruisers.

The landlord had been taken away for assault and the police were talking with Ryan now.

"What about Ryan?" Seth asked immediately.

Now that he knew Ryan hadn't done it, his faith in him was stronger than before. Their bond, he hoped, wouldn't suffer due to another Oliveresque-incident.

"Ryan is speaking with the police"

"Is he in trouble? For all of this?"

Sandy sighed, "I've gotten them to not press charges for misinformation to an officer, but now they suspect him of aiding in Marissa's escape.

"That's-"

"Stupid, I know Seth. But the fact is... the fact is that we have a lot to clear up tonight. You can't help here, so you may as well -"

"No" Seth said firmly.

His back was aching, his nose throbbing and his eyes were drooping, but Seth had doubted Ryan once again. He would suffer and stay for moral support. He owed it to him.

"Seth-"

"Dad. I mean it. I want to be here. For Ryan."

Sandy frowned.

"Mr. Cohen?" a voice addressed Sandy from behind him.

He turned to find Officer Lewis standing there, "Yes?" he asked politely.

"We're taking your client down to the station now."

Sandy nodded his head in understanding, then turned back to Seth. "Home. Now."

"But-"

"Seth" Sandy was beginning to lose his patience. It'd been a long day and it would be a long night as well.

"Come on Seth, I'll keep you company" Summer whispered, tugging at his arm.

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"Is that all?" Officer Lewis interogated Ryan who was sitting in an interview room with Sandy by his side.

"Yes" Ryan nodded his head, trying to keep his temper. He'd told and retold the same story roughly six times now, up to and including the police getting there and any discussions beforehand.

Lewis leaned back in his chair, tapping Ryan's file in front of him. "So tell me, why would an innocent kid risk going to jail for murder when he didn't do it?"

"Why can't you understand the five answers I gave you to that question before!" Ryan snapped finally.

"Officer, if you don't have any more questions... we have been cooperative thus far and I'm sure we could all use some rest." Sandy intervened firmly but politely.

As far as he was concerned, the interview was over.

"I just want to make sure we're not releasing a felon back on to the streets tonight, Mr. Cohen"

Sandy bit the inside of his cheek angrily. "Look, Officer. I will _not_ put up with this harassment and neither will my client. You've had the Crime Unit in here to do a GSR-"

"Which was inconclusive, and we're still waiting for the fingerprints and the unit to get back to us " Lewis interrupted.

Sandy stood up quickly, pushing his chair back. "Even the experts in your own department claim there's no way Ryan could have fired that fun and not gotten any on his shirt, jacket or the outside of his hands!"

"He could have changed, washed his hands"

"You're reaching and you know it!"

Officer Lewis and Sandy challenged eachother in stared for a few minutes until Lewis finally backed off.

He glanced at Ryan who was still slumped in the chair, looking as though he'd been up for a week straight. "You understand you're not allowed to leave the city without contacting out department, until the investigation is finished?"

Ryan glanced up, "Yes sir"

Lewis nodded. He didn't necessarily want to give these two a tough time, but he couldn't understand why the kid had done what he'd done if he wasn't involved either.

"One more thing" Lewis pushed.

Ryan looked up, Sandy looked angry.

"You're sure you don't know where Marissa Cooper could have gone?"

"No I... I don't know" Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

It was the second lie he'd told the police tonight.

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Marissa couldn't believe she'd done it.

She couldn't believe she had made it.

Now she knew the survival instinct Ryan had felt when he'd run away after just coming here.

She'd had to run. She knew it would come out that she had done it, and she wasn't sure whether she could deal with the concequences.

At first, she'd just wanted to step in to the darkness, just to be invisible for a moment. Give herself time to gather her thoughts, her feelings. She had to prepare herself. But with every step she'd taken away from the place, the better she had felt.

The more relaxed she was, the less worried.

It had been okay for a few blocks. It had worked and she'd felt better.

Then the panic had set in. She'd just run away from the cops. After killing someone. After killing Trey. And the need to continue running grasped her mind. Her pave quickened, worried now.

Would they send cops looking for her?

Of course they would. She was a murder suspect. Marissa Cooper was a murderer.

And she had no where to go.

They'd find her at home.

They'd find her at Summer's, at Seth's. They would likely search the pier, or any of their regular hangouts.

They would question Summer and Seth, even Ryan as to her whereabouts.

Oh my god, they would go to her house, he parents would know. She could never go back, ever. Not without being caught.

Tears trickled down her face as she continued to walk aimlessly. Or, at least, she thought it was aimless at the time.

Until she'd ended up in front of the bus station.

Not having a car was a drawback. But riding a bus was a possibility. All she needed was a ticket.

For that all she needed was cash, and that was one thing she had thanks to her mom's gold-digging ways.

Wiping away the salty tears on her face Marissa walked in to the small bus station trying to look normal. As normal as a teenage girl could look in a bus station this late at night anyways.

She would catch the first bus there, and hide until then.

No one would be the wiser.

No one except for maybe Ryan. The only one she was interested in seeing.

Marissa stepped up to the small wicket where only one person was currently working.

She was about to order when she realised that if the cops came around asking questions, it'd be pretty obvious where she'd gone.

"Hi" Marissa smiled her brightest smile.

Act like you belond, and no one would question it. That's what everyone in Newport did every day.

It's not who you were, it's who everyone thought you were.

The tired looking didn't smile back, "What can I get you?" he asked in a monotone voice.

"I need a ticket to Portland." Marissa stated carefully.

"Oregon?"

"Yes" she replied crisply.

"Is that one way, or round trip?"

It hit her then that she really was running away. Marissa Cooper was already a killer...

"One way" she replied.

Marissa Cooper was now also a fugitive.

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Ryan could barely keep his eyes open the whole ride home. Though he was expecting a lecture from Sandy at any moment, none came. It was nerve-wrecking.

He was tired, dead tired, and all he could focus on was the thought of his nice bed.

That and Marissa.

He had a gut instinct about where she was going, as soon as he'd heard she'd disappeared.

But it would have to wait.

By the time they pulled in to the driveway, Ryan had been lulled asleep in the passenger seat.

Sandy had been preparing a lecture the whole way home, or at least attempting to, through the fog he seemed to be living in. Now, as he glanced over at the unconscious Ryan, he knew that the lecture would have to wait for tomorrow.

It's not like he was going anywhere anyways, right?

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"Jimmy, are you still up?" Julie mumbled, wandering in to the kitchen where he ex-husband, Jimmy Cooper sat.

"Yea... I'm worried about Marissa"

Julie snorted, "Don't be jimmy. Since you left she's been like this, gradually getting worse...I have no control over her anymore Jimmy, not even Cal could control her"

"That must of pissed him off" Jimmy started sarcastically.

"Jimmy!" she huffed.

"What!" Jimmy grinned, leaning back in the chair.

"You know that tonight was the first time she'd hugged me in... ages.. Jimmy, I don't know when she hugged me last..."

"The past couple years have been tough for her Jules"

"For her?" Julie snorted, "If she could experience half of what I've been going through -"

"Actually Jules, I think Marissa's had enough of her own problems."

"Teenage drama, Jimmy"

"Oh, so every teenage girl's mother sleeps with her daughter's ex boyfriend?"

Julie glared, "Why do you have to bring that up again?" she snapped.

"Because Julie... that's what her past couple years have been like for her. One thing after another" he shook his head.

"Starting with you stealing money and losing out house" Julie accused, not impressed with his attempt to push blame on her ignorance.

"And her and I have made amends over that.."

Julie was ready to retort a response when there was a loud knock on the front door.

Each of them glanced at eachother, worry etched on their faces.

Jimmy stood up from the table and entered the hall first, pulling open the wide door to reveal a police officer.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper?"

Neither of them bothered to correct the officer's obvious mistake. Everyone in their right mind knew who Julie had been married too. She'd made sure everyone knew.

"Oh my god" Julie let out a small gasp, "What's happened?"

"Ma'am, it's about your daughter.. do you know of her current whereabouts?"

"No... she ran out earlier after a phonecall... what's going on? Is she okay?"

"As far as we know Miss. Cooper is fine, however we would like to ask her some questions about an incident earlier tonight, and her disappearance is indicating guilt."

"Of what? What did she do?"

"We're not sure whether she has done anythign or not, Mrs. Cooper"

"What' s she accused of?" Jimmy interrupted.

The officer met both sets of eyes staring back at him, waiting for an answer.

"Your daughter is wanted for questioning in a murder earlier tonight"

"Who?" Jimmy demanded.

"Atwood..." the officer squinted at his legal pad.

"Ryan?" Jimmy pressed, a lump in his stomach. No way Marissa would, could ever kill Ryan. But if someone else had, it would explain why she had run away.

"No... it's a Trey Atwood."

Jimmy wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried now.

If it'd been Ryan it would mean Marissa was certainly not guilty. But if Julie was right about their daughter's recent actions he couldn't say that about any other victim.

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Marissa was sitting on a bus now. The first one had left for Portland at 5:10 in the morning. It was supposed to make a couple stops, and it was at one of those that she would get off and buy another ticket.

And though part of her was nervous about what she was doing, she knew there really wasn't another choice except to turn herself in. And she wasn't ready for a prison sentence either.

Silently and patiently Marissa Cooper watched the California sun begin to rise up over the fields and wineries, casting an orange-red glow over everything.

This whole thing seemed almost surreal. Like she would wake up at any moment.

Leaning her head against the window, Marissa closed her eyes and hoped against hope that Theresa still lived in the same house.

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Hmm, I think I'll leave it there for now. Yes, yes, I know. I'm evil, that's old news people! On the bright side, the more reviews I get, the faster I'll post!


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